You live and you learn

WARNING: Long-winded post ahead...have to make up for lost blog time mah!!!

I've been lurking a lot in other people's blog recently. Reading about their lifestories and other nitty-gritty stuff. It got me wondering about my own past.

I can say I've grown up sheltered actually. Never involved in anything really bad except for a couple of small brawls. I started to think about my first act of violence as a kid. T'was in kindergarten and I remember it like yesterday. I was big-boned (read FAT) as a kid and due to this, I was automatically nominated the saviour of the little. Go figure...anywayz, we used to have this Chinese vs Malay shit akinned to the Eastside vs Westside crap (I am not racist, just a naive kid in my defence). One sunny day (cliche-d), this kid who happened to be my neighbour, comes running over spouting crap about this Malay dude. I have been CHALLENGED! Whoa, who dares challenge the mighty Nawooz. So a group of us went to "table-talk" with the Malay dude. Turns out he had his posse (not pussy dammit) with him. I figured no big deal right. So we got talking and one thing lead to another, this dude grabs my neck with both hands and tore his finger nails into my flesh. Nobody messes with Nawooz man. I dispose of him with a swift kick to the groin (I never knew it would hurt so bad). I watched as he crumpled on the ground holding on to his family jewels moaning for his mom. Score, Nawooz:1 Dude-holding-jewels-on-floor: 0. We split after that incident, only to find the headmistress interrupting class and pointing to me calling out my name. "Nawooz, you come with me to my room". OMGWTFBBQ!!!!! I am so gonna get PWND from my headmistress. She was like Godzilla man. The Malay dude was also in the room when I arrived. The usual interrogation began and we ended up having to shake hands and apologize. Only God knew the icy-cold stare we gave one another before hauling ass out of the room.

Oddly enough, I never got heat for that from both the school and my parents. I told them we were playing catch and some kid was a little rough with the "catching" and they let it slide.

Then there was the time when my sis used to be bullied by this guy classmate. She would tell him to stop, but he just didn't give a rat's-ass to her squealing. So my sis decided to do what any other sibling would. She told him to quit or she would tell her brother. The little snot CHALLENGED her! Notice my use of the words, challenged. Needless to say, I was at her classroom the following morning. The guy must have turn like 27 shades of white man. Even those Oil of Olay whitening products could not beat the efficacy of this big-ass bro standing before him with a menacing dont-eff-with-me look. I asked him what was his problem and the little brat had the audacity to diss me. Unfortunately, my hands reacted faster than my brains and the dude got a bitch-slap from me. He started bawling and threatened to tell his parents about this. I told him to do just that and I will complain to his parents about him bullying my sis. I think I was a hero in my sister's eye that day. I never got to see his parents, but he would smile at me everytime I crossed paths with him after that fateful day.

Then there was the time I nearly got mugged by not one, but 2 assholes walking to the trainstop. A little background, I used to work in college and sometimes would only leave for home late at night. It was a 15-20 minute walk from my college to the trainstop through carparks and some poorly lit areas. I have seen a couple of snatch thieves and also muggings from afar, but never had a bad experience until that day. I was walking up this narrow (remember this my dear readers) flight of stairs to get to the trainstop. I had to keep an eye on the ground so as not to slip and break my skull on the steps (no lights at a frequently used stairs, Malaysia BOLEH). I notice this pair of feet and I moved aside to let him pass. He steps into my path and this is when I look up. I had a bad feeling about this. The guy looked like a druggie and I knew something was up. Suddenly, I see another shadow behind him and figured, hey, company. At least this guy won't jump me. Boy was I in for a surprise. Turns out they were in cahoots and the 2nd guy grabs hold of my arms asking me to stop in Malay. I ignore him and yank my arms away from his grip. Thank God for heavy IT-related books man and me being a college librarian. I had good workouts putting those books back and arranging the entire library after it closes. The guy got all hissy and kicked me in my thighs as I broke free. I am already up on solid ground and away from the steps at this point. I cussed the Mofo and grabbed this sign with a cemented base used to deter illegal parking and told him to come up. Both the guys were kinda stunned at my violent reaction and subsequently left. I remained staring at them with eyes that could have burnt a whole thru China man. I figured things would have been very different if I hadn't reacted the way I did since it was still 2 vs 1. Continued my journey and kept cursing the guy, who kicked me as I was wearing my new pair of Dockers nice pants. Cluck you asshole junkies. I hope you get rammed by a bus and fall into the Klang river and die from skin cancer due to it's polluted waters.

My final close shave was about 2 weeks ago after some wedding-ring shopping with my soon-to-be-wifey. This mod-piece of shit Satria cut into my path with no signal and regard for safety forcing me to e-brake. I give the mofo a friendly horn to let him know what he did was dumb. That's when he started to play games. He would stop his car suddenly in the middle of the road and then take off, which happened to be heavily congested with other road-goers. At this point, my wifey clamps down on the horn and lays it long and nice. This happened 3 times and by the fourth time, he winded down his window and gave me the finger. The nerve of that wanker amazes me. So happen we were nearing a red light and had to slow down. He cut into our path and then stopped his car and got out. All the time shouting, "What the FUCKKKK! What the FUCKKKK!!!". Something to note for all readers out there. If you don't feel like fighting, stay in the car! I rolled down my windows a bit and there he was shouting vulgarities. I told him that he was driving like a jerk and he started a spiel about, "Do you know who you're messing with or not". I gave him the I-don't-give-a-fuck-face and he shut up and then walked back to his car and drove off. The light turned green and I went on my way home. I told my wifey that I was starting a family soon and that's why the dude was driving in his car and not in a body bag. Somehow, I felt good not having to resort to violence in that incident. I think my friends are right. I do have that don't mess with me look sometimes. Most people think I'm fierce and stuck up when they first knew me. For that Satria-driving wanker, "I don't know who you are, but you have just met Nawooz dude". Stop acting like a wannabe thug on the road, as karma will one day catch up to you and skullfuck you before you even have the time to cry Mama.

Live. Learn.

Edit: That was surprisingly one of my longest posts even by my previous blog standards. Time to go to the washroom and warm my frozen fingers with the drier. I love centralized air-conditioning to death man. It keeps rotting meat from, well......rotting. If only it could mask the smell of un-washed bodies working 12 hour shifts. Dayummmmm!